Mac Attack!

This is the advertisement I referred to a few posts ago.

Just so everyone's clear, this commercial means to alienate PC's.

It's so different, but the meanings are so layered and conceptual.

I think it's totally brill!

Confessions of a Sleepoholic

I'm tired. Oh, soooo... tired. On Tuesday and Thursday, I have classes all... day... long... I begin at 8AM and finish at 6:30PM. I'm enjoying my course load, but I'm still discovering how to manage my over-active anxiety on Monday and Wednesday nights. My nerves are probably preparing me for the long day ahead, but consequently giving me some troubled nights.

Last night for example, I awoke to go 'tinkle tankle' in the 'toy toy'. The bathroom is so far from my bedroom. You have to enter three doors to arrive at the 'throne'. I was so delirious when I arose from my grave; I leaned over Eva's bed and said, "When I get back we'll switch, okay?" Umm... What? She didn't say anything, and I proceeded on my path to Relief City. On my adventure to the 'toy toy' I assumed and believed Eva and I would be switching beds when I returned. It wasn't until I arrived back in our bedroom that I realized switching beds in the middle of the night is creepy and not a social norm. I, well, briefly lost my mind. I definitely woke-up poor Eva, and freaked her out, because in my glorious (weird) return to the bedroom she asked, "Are you okay?" I nonchalantly said,"Yeah." Not believing me, she asked again, "Are you sure you're okay??" I knew what she was getting at, but I didn't know how to explain my bizarre and unique thought process, so I merely attempted to brush-it-off. I guess I was fine, but I clearly struggled to get a grasp on reality.

This happening shed new light on a common verbal exchange Eva and I often have. She asked me once where I stood on an issue. In all my hilarity I answered, "Where do I stand? I stand over your bed, while you're sleeping." This phrase stuck immediately. We love to say it and we think it's a 'knee-slapper'. Clearly, it's no longer a joke. It came to pass.

I am a sleep stalker/hoverer. Jank!

MMM

After a brilliant first week of school, it was time to let loose and hang with the ladies. The roomers and I felt a deep hankering for some Thai food. I'm fairly certain the only Thai restaurant in Rexburg, uses stray cats for their dishes (Mmm... mystery meat) so, it was off to Idaho Falls. Joy! I don't know about the rest of the women, but I was pretty hesitant about trying something new, without recommendation or prior experience. But, I asked myself, "What's the worst that can happen... Diarrhea?" Well, bad example, diarrhea's a deal-breaker, but we went regardless.

The place: Thai House. The setting: Super jankedy with multiple shades of Avocado. And, the first impression: Oh no! Our waitress was, well, I'll say a 'character'. When we asked her if the Massaman was a Red Curry, she said, "Umm... it looks brown to me." I was more or less horrified, and totally sketched out.

Our waitress also brought our food out one-by-one. That took twenty minutes. My home girl Shanae, hated her Pad Thai and said, "Ugh, it tastes like PetCo." Eva said, "Mmm... mine smells like PetCo! Delicious." Elizabeth farted loudly in the restaurant. I laughed hysterically and couldn't stop. Darling Elizabeth said, "That wasn't supposed to make noise."

After dinner it was off to see Disney's Oceans. Loved it. I'm terrified of the Ocean so I thought I'd be a little overwhelmed, but it was really quite beautiful. I thought everyone would enjoy themselves, but I don't think anyone did. This was made blatantly obvious, when I was the only one awake during the movie. I'm still satisfied I experienced it. So, in closing the Thai food was mediocre at best. The movie was magical. And my bowels are nice and tight. Any evening ending without diarrhea is a successful evening to me.

Gamble Everything

In my advertising class, I went on the ride of my life through the history of Advertising. Sweet mercy! I can't believe it took me so long to land here, but I'm thrilled I did. Advertising is an epic machine.

In class we were shown hundreds of ads, commercials, and campaigns. I watched a commercial that I've heard about, but never seen. It originally aired during the Super Bowl and revolutionized the advertising world forever. This important piece of history almost didn't air. It was just too controversial, bizarre, and different. Once the commercial aired, a Super Bowl announcer even said, "What was that?" That's the risk one runs in advertising, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. In this case it paid-off in dividends.

Can anyone guess what it is?

...It's not the Budweiser frogs...

I'll post the commercial in a few days, if no one guesses it.

In the meam time,

here's my favorite advertisement of all-time! Just take a look...

It has nothing to do with anything. I'll buy fifty. I guess it works.

Does This Look Swollen?

Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova, most famously collaborated for the film Once. Through this collaboration they were awarded an Oscar for Best Original Song. Now, they're back as The Swell Season with a debut album entitled Strict Joy. This is musical fusion at its finest.

This album in all its entirety is so important to me. There is some serious magical, soul happening. The melodies and lyrics are personal and exquisitely deep. They sing about things, I never knew I was feeling. I was struck right away with a few songs on their album, one being, Two Tongues. That song has stickers all over it (E-squared reference). I also dig Low Rising. I grew to love this song, because I think the music video is pure art. It's so beautiful and creative. Also, check out The Rain, it's a tear-jerker. I can't handle it. Please, please, please take a listen to, Fantasy Man. Heavens, this song is totally brill!

Attention: Mouth-Breathers

Dear Academic Advisor Resembling Napoleon Dynamite,

You are worthless. I'm currently in a very fragile state, because I'm trying to plan my life and future. You're supposed to be helping me. I find it very distracting discussing my academic plans with you, when you're clearly suffering from a seriously clogged, nasal-passage. Someone, please, get this man some nasal spray! Your lack of enthusiam for my needs and you're job, are less then subtle and demonstrated by your abrasive attempts to quickly shuffle me away. Could you at least pretend to help me? How am I supposed to graduate from college when young, inexperienced, humdrums, lacking seriously in social skills, are assigned to help me make the most out of my college career? Don't you fret, my dear Napoleon (Bradly), I'll avoid you like the Bubonic Plague in the future.

Warm Regards, Attractive Nose-Breather

Pause My Favorite Parts

Change is the process of being thrust into a state of saturated and unwanted growth. I used to feel so together and whole, but lately and mostly, I feel life's powerful punch to the NADS. I read a quote recently shedding light on my various emotions, "For every dream that's reborn, there's a dream that dies. For every hello you say, there's a sad goodbye." I've become extraordinarily brilliant at goodbyes. I've also adiosed old habits, feelings, actions, relationships, resentments, insecurities, etc. But my saddest farewell to date, has been my goodbye to idealism. 


I used to reside in a head full of wonder and excitement, bursting with adventure and possibility. I used to day-dream endlessly, about millions of circumstances, scenarios, and futures. Recently, I've faced my fate with exhaustion and defeat. I just accept the disappointment. Cynicism is no attractive quality, believe me, but if I'm being true, disappointment has been my relentless companion. 

But even in my saddest, darkest moments, I've still seen, recognized, and remembered fleeting moments of happiness and the possibility of rebirth. These moments come and go all too quickly, but they do exist. There is a season for every single thing. So here's my farewell to this harsh, tumultuous Winter, rot with fear, sickness, and doubt. A new and bright Spring chapter is awaiting its beginning. I'll stretch myself to insert at least some element of hope in what's to come, but I'm also preparing myself for undesired and precarious possibilities. I welcome this new chapter with open, but ambivalent arms. 


I do need change. I need distraction. I need life. I need laughter. And I need stability. I truly wish upon a distant and secret star, that I will partake of risk reaping rewards. I know hurt is as much a part of life as truth, love, and loss, but someday, I know, the hurt will subside and the rewards will blossom. When that day arrives I want to be prepared, so I can be worthy of its offering.

Get Gone

An ode to my city. Denver, you're such a wonder. I'm embarking on my journey back to Rexburg, in 3 days, so I decided to list my favorite Denver locations. These places are uniquely My City. These places are the scenes of many momentous crimes, secrets, and splendor.

1. Washington Park

2. Red Rocks Amphitheater

3. Ellie Caulkin Opera House

4. Denver Skyline

5.Colorado Rocky Mountains

"Somewhere there is someone that dreams of your smile, and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile, so when you are lonely remember it’s true, someone somewhere is thinking of you.”

The Source of So Much Gossip

My obsession. I can't get enough. The band Gossip is fun, fresh, and flirty!

Beth Ditto, is the lead singer. It's safe to say she's off-her-rocker.

She's super large-and-in-charge and without eyebrows.

Her music rocks my face completely off!

She has a crazy set of pipes, that woman.

If you haven't listened to Gossip, get all up in that business.

They've got such a unique vibe with a sick beat. It makes my brain dance.

The best songs are Heavey Cross, Love Long Distance, and Four Letter Word.

Their music is my essential, gym companion.

There is some serious Hand Gems going on here.

Pikachu?

A Different Bottle

What do all coming-of-age, teen angst movies have in common? The monumental moment of playing a game of Spin the Bottle. Boo! I'm all sorts of confused about this game.

I have been to my fair share of parties and I must confess, I've never participated in a single game of spin the bottle, nor have I ever heard it mentioned or suggested. The only point of this post is to discover if individuals in their teen years actually played this game. I'm highly curious and quite taken with the idea. Confide in me, my few readers. I'm interested to know if this game is actually played.

CPR or ABC?

Let me just start with... What the biff does CPR stand for?

 Being awake at 7:45am is not a possibility for me, but it just so happens I was registered for a CPR class beginning at 8:45am this morning. Curse IT! The good news is, I awoke in time. Phew! And consequently became CPR certified. The bad news is, I may be too paralyzed with fear to perform CPR if need be. Sorry. 

The classroom was filled with tired, irritated women. I was also tired, but surprisingly chipper. Our instructor was male and clearly agitated with how he was spending his Saturday. I NEVER learned what CPR stood for, but I did learn ABC.

A - Airway

B - Breathing

C - Circulation/Compressions

*I'll make something up for CPR*

C - Call

P - Person's

R - Reverend 

They need Jesus.

After we learned the basics (ABC's). We had to administer the steps learned to dummies. Yep, that's right, dummies. We had to full-frontal snogg all over that business (Obscure Angus reference). In the hour leading up to dummy kissing, we were told numerous times we'd get extra credit if we asked for a defibrillator while performing CPR. The time came to swallow our pride and give a dummy life. There were three dummies. One was an adult, another was a child, and the last was an infant. The instructor put the adult dummy in the hallway for practice, and he kept the child and infant dummy in the classroom where he'd be observing. I decided to practice in the hall first. Everyone seemed self-conscious. Plus, no one was taking it very seriously. I, however, took the situation entirely too seriously and decided to treat it as reality. It was my greatest performance yet. It was filled with so much honesty and drama!

I'll walk you through what happened. I immediately knelt down in a panic and said, "Sir, wake up! Are you alright, Sir???" I cleared his airway and checked for breathing. Much to my chagrin there was no breathing. I yelled, "This man's not breathing, and he has no pulse. Everyone step back." I gave him two breathes and started compressions. I screamed, "Someone get me a defibrillator!" The people in the other room heard me scream and started laughing. Soon I was doing five cycles of CPR to a much larger audience. My instructor poked his head around the corner, smiled, and said, "Extra-credit."After being awarded imaginary extra-credit, I knew it was worth it. I saved that man's life.

I'm such a sass-bag. 

I Dropped a Tear in the Ocean

There exists a particular frozen yogurt, at Kuulture, in Downtown Denver that is more important to me, than any human relationship I've ever possessed. I can't even begin to explain how this refreshing, tart and smooth substance has tightly gripped my thoughts, free-will, and self-control. It's safe to say... I'm addicted.

Last night I went on a date with Ma Patti, and I convinced her to drive downtown to partake of this yummerness. After we couldn't find a parking space, she dropped me off, trusting I'd pick her poison for her. This poison is identical to mine. It's the Strawberry-Pomegranate frozen yogurt with fresh blackberries, strawberries, and mini yogurt chips. Oh heavens!!! I left this Temple of Taste, and waited on a street corner to be collected. It was 9pm, on a Friday night, and the streets were crawling with zombies (drunk people). Police sirens created an urban music backdrop. Ma Patti finally arrived at the scene, quite stressed and mighty frazzled. She kept saying, "I did not like that!" After she consumed her first bite of this sweet nectar, words were no longer needed. Her face lit up. Her body tightened. And her lips smacked. We drove home in absolute splendor.

I'm relieved to report, I'm not the only Hale capable of falling victim to addiction.

My dear mother said to me today, "All I want is Kuulture! Lets go there tonight!"

...TRIUMPH...

I will infinitely miss you while I'm away, sweet Kuulture.

...Gender Bender...

There's nothing to be said.

You Have Sight, But No Vision

One of life's sweet GEMS. New Sunglasses.

These ladies were calling my name.

Yes, I got them at Wal-Mart.

Yes, they were five dollars.

No, I'm not ashamed.

Let's Plow

After the touching tribute made to John Hughes' legendary and visionary film career at the Academy Awards, I felt enticed to pay my very own tribute. I must state that I have a very deep and meaningful relationship with several of his films. Do we even need to talk about Ferris Bueller's Day Off? Some Kind of Wonderful is so personal to me, because it's more or less my life. Pretty in Pink found me and changed me at age thirteen. Christmas Vacation is the very glue that binds my family together. Everything this man touched turned to gold. From Sixteen Candles to Uncle Buck. Starting with Vacation and stretching all the way towards Dennis the Menace. I have loved every product of this man's brilliant career. And in a lot of ways, his stories made me feel understood. I can watch them over and over again. That fact will remain. He will be missed, but his name will live on in infamy, as it is attached to some of the greatest films of all time. I'm in need of a little help to wrap this baby up, so I've enlisted the help of Duckie to aid in concluding this tribute. I give you, the substance of the man's genius... Try a Little Tenderness.

Here's to the Ladies Who Lunch - Everybody Laugh

Here's to the new unforeseen marvels, old shades of grey, and constants in my life. I've landed here, because of this modern age and Internet phenomena to therapeutically rage and celebrate life's surprising wit and nuances. Who am I to turn down an outlet, dedicated to what makes me, unmistakably me? Lets see where I begin, travel, static, and ultimately finish. So without further ado, here's to the ladies. Gentleman, hold on to your hats.