Monday, August 27, 2012

Even In a Street Fight

Passion: An intense desire or enthusiasm for something. 

Please bare this in mind as I explain a simple truth. With the exception of my very vocal opinion, there exists an unspoken competition between Barbra Streisand and Celine Dion. 



I would like to share some specific, concrete, and undiputable facts as to why Barbra Streisand is unequivicooly the more talented entity. When it comes to this topic, 9 times out of 10 I am met with the opposing opinion.

If you Looovvvveeee Celine Dion... Great!

If you prefer her to Barbra Streisand... I'll admit I'm confused, but I'll fully support you... but...

... and there is a big BUT, if any living soul at any point claimed Celine Dion to be more talented than Barbra Streisand, there will be no time for words... just bloodhshed. 

If you've seen Funny Girl, and you still prefer Celine over Babs... I'm so sorry, but you're wrong. Disgraceful!

I feel like I'm taking crazy pills when I hear this, and even more so when people actually believe it. Celine Dion has a set of pipes, a nice pair of legs for good-measure, and the woman is French-Canadian for heaven's sake. I've gotta give it up to her, she's got talent. I admit it, but that's not the issue here. Celine Dion is without a doubt talented, but is she AS talented as Barbra? I'm embarrassed for you for even asking. 

Does she have 8 Grammy's? Nope. Is she one of the very few entertainers to be awarded an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, and Tony? Oh that's right... No, again. Does Celine Dion write, act, direct, sing, record, perform, all at once? You must be outta yo mind! NO.

Look, I don't want to make waves, but there's just enough hurt and sadness in the world, and I don't think I can greet another day if this issue isn't resolved. I think it's pretty clear who is... I'll say it, "better." Lets just let some things make sense in this crazy world. This is a great opportunity to learn about accepting truth. 

Barbra Streisand not only trumps Celine Dion in every creative category, but if a street fight broke out... Babs would beat Celine Dion's heart until it didn't go on. See what I did there? Titanic reference. 

Give it up, Celine! Babs will NEVER be knocked off her throne... But good luck, and 
I hope your life is happy with your Grandpa... Pardon me, Father... Oops again... Honestly, I meant to say manager.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

That's Enough Nickelback

I've come to expect certain misgivings in life, call me jaded, but even I must admit every so often life outstretches its' mystical hand, and presents me with a rare, and unforeseen gift.

I'm not one to wish misery or unhappiness on any individual, but there are two garbage pales for human-beings, that really have it comin'. These individuals whom I speak of just released a public statement informing the world of their undying love for one another.

Chad Kroeger (lead-singer of Nickelback), and Avril Lavigne are ENGAGED!!! This is what dreams are made of.  They're planning a perfect life of fidelity, wealth, rock 'n roll, and all the bleach-blonde hair-dye you can imagine. Well... GOOD LUCK YOU TWO CANUCKS!

Hopefully, America's favorite Pop-Punk-Princess, with her pink highlights and compulsive need to stick her tongue out, while flashing the rock sign, followed by flippin' the bird, will enjoy being married to the bane of my existence and the sole reason behind MY irrational desire to remove my ears from my face... slowly... and with the use of a rusty, dull spoon.



I just know they're gonna make it work, stay together forever, and make each other
happy along the way. Congrats you TWO! Don't forget how much you deserve each other. 




Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Trampire

With Kristen Stewart's infidelity to long-time boyfriend, Robert Pattinson highly publicized, it became necessary to form an instant and extremely biased opinion. I along with Will Ferrell and Jon Stewart view this as the gravest incident to occur since Breaking Dawn: Part 1 was released in theaters for viewing purposes. With this shocking, sick, and adulterous news, one question lingers on the lips of every misunderstood teenage girl: What will happen to the Twilight Franchise? With the release of the final installment of the Twilight Series yet to come, I want to say only this: I will see the midnight showing with my mother, and two sisters. I will pay full price. I will laugh uncontrollably, and enjoy every... single... solitary... moment. Once I've seen the movie, I will make it my life's mission to hunt and carry out my revenge on that trampy vampire. I know I'm not alone... Who will be my brother? (Obscure Snow White and the Huntsman reference).



Thursday, August 16, 2012

I Stole From David Letterman


1. Climax by Usher
This song is my jam right now... So FOXY!

2. Smoke and Mirros by Gotye
If you watch a TV program called Suits... You'll understand. If you don't, I welcome you to unfriend me on facebook.

3. Simple Song by The Shins
This song is fresh off The Shins most recent album... I feel like a beautiful mermaid whilst listening. One of the most creative music videos I've ever seen. Check it out!


4. Thinking About You by Frank Ocean
This song dances on my brainwaves ALL day... Everyday... When he hits those high notes... hummina hummina...


5. Dance Without You by Skylar Grey
Speaking of Dancing... This song make me want to cut a rug and never sew it back together, ever.


6. 93 Million Miles by Jason Mraz
I've been a loyal Jason Mraz fan since receiving his 1st album for my 16th birthday, but after his last album we were in a little bit of a fight. We decided to give our relationship another try when I heard this song. It makes me wanna star gaze with a boy that carries a clipboard everywhere. Don't ask me why.


7. Settle Down by Kimbra
This chick is nuts, because the direction of her creative energy, quite frankly, scares me. I don't understand what's she's doing half the time, and mostly I feel afraid, but my brain loves it.


8. Nights in White Satin by The Moody Blues
I often think I was born in the wrong era, because the music from the 60's and 70's moves my soul, and shakes me bones. This song kills me! I wish every song made me feel this nostalgic and foggy.


9. Everything About You by One Direction
No playlist could be complete without my favorite POP divas: ONE DIRECTION... This song wasn't an instant favorite, but quickly became my GO-TO. Zayn and Harry murder my heart over and over again in this tune.


10. I Was Made For Lovin' You by KISS
First of all, stop being so judgmental, because I know you are. Oh boy, I can't even talk about this one... So catchy, and it has a similar effect to Meth. I WANT TO CLEAN, PANTLESS... WHILST SINGING INTO A MOP.

I included all below, give 'em a listen... ENJOY

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

His Dimples... I'll Kill Myself

I'm back in the saddle of blogging, because frankly I need a hobby and I'm worth it. While I'm back I'd like to talk about my husband, friend, and lover: Harry Styles. Everyone I know talks about their real life relationships, but I prefer to talk about my imaginary ones. I find those relationships are a lot more rewarding. I have so many imaginary boyfriends, and in case you're wondering... I'm kind of a big deal.


Mr. Harold Styles, I'm not entirely sure it's Harold, but for the sake of sounding like he's aware of my very existence, we'll all pretend it is. To educate the blind, deaf, and dumb: Harry Styles is 1 of 5 members of the band One Direction. They hail from The UK, although one bandmate is Iris. Don't bother with him, he's the Kix of all the other Sugar Cereals. I wish I could explain what it is about him that's gets me so crazy, so I will...


1. So much Charisma and Charm! 2. HAIR 3. Eyes 4. Singing Voice 5. The way he says the word "crisps." 6. The fact that he has four nips (TRUE) 7. His favorite 1D song is "More Than This," oh and guess what? So is mine. 8. He has a mad crush on Adele, meaning he loves thick, talented women. Bingo! 9. The dimples... Can't forget the dimples... 10. He's exclusively dates older women... Again... Meant to be.


There's nothing better than reliving my BSB days. Backstreet Boys 4 Life. Their musical approaches are nearly identical. There is a 12-year-old girl living in my 24-year-old body. I'm not sad about it, and I make no apologies. One direction is Life, Liberty, and Freedom. They are the American Dream, which is odd, and makes my brain feel confusion, because they're British. Finally, these boys have bonded me and my closest friend together. Oh and I forgot to mention he's 18. IT'S FINE!