Pause My Favorite Parts

Change is the process of being thrust into a state of saturated and unwanted growth. I used to feel so together and whole, but lately and mostly, I feel life's powerful punch to the NADS. I read a quote recently shedding light on my various emotions, "For every dream that's reborn, there's a dream that dies. For every hello you say, there's a sad goodbye." I've become extraordinarily brilliant at goodbyes. I've also adiosed old habits, feelings, actions, relationships, resentments, insecurities, etc. But my saddest farewell to date, has been my goodbye to idealism. 


I used to reside in a head full of wonder and excitement, bursting with adventure and possibility. I used to day-dream endlessly, about millions of circumstances, scenarios, and futures. Recently, I've faced my fate with exhaustion and defeat. I just accept the disappointment. Cynicism is no attractive quality, believe me, but if I'm being true, disappointment has been my relentless companion. 

But even in my saddest, darkest moments, I've still seen, recognized, and remembered fleeting moments of happiness and the possibility of rebirth. These moments come and go all too quickly, but they do exist. There is a season for every single thing. So here's my farewell to this harsh, tumultuous Winter, rot with fear, sickness, and doubt. A new and bright Spring chapter is awaiting its beginning. I'll stretch myself to insert at least some element of hope in what's to come, but I'm also preparing myself for undesired and precarious possibilities. I welcome this new chapter with open, but ambivalent arms. 


I do need change. I need distraction. I need life. I need laughter. And I need stability. I truly wish upon a distant and secret star, that I will partake of risk reaping rewards. I know hurt is as much a part of life as truth, love, and loss, but someday, I know, the hurt will subside and the rewards will blossom. When that day arrives I want to be prepared, so I can be worthy of its offering.